From Sofa to Seat 114 - Match Report, Leeds 0 - Town 7

Jamie Taylor, Writer.

Who saw that coming? Not me, that’s for sure. Delarno Burgzorg pops up with a first half hat trick before Jack Rudoni knocks in a brace in the second. Thomas chips in with the sixth before Lee Nicholls puts the icing on the cake with a wonderful solo goal, running the full length of the pitch before playing a one-two with Wiles and slipping the ball into the left-hand corner. This was a match to tell your grandkids about, the stuff of dreams, the kind of scoreline you only ever see in computer games. 

Before we go any further, it’s probably worth mentioning that as well as watching the match at the weekend, I also spent rather a lot of time playing EA FC. It’s been at least 15 years since I last owned a true football game (unless you count Mario Soccer) and with the advances in graphics and motion capture, it can be a little bit tricky to separate real life from digital simulation. 

How much does it really reflect the match going experience of a Huddersfield Town game? Well first thing’s first, the stadium is brilliant! It looks spot on. The camera angle is almost from where I sit so it feels very familiar. My minor gripe would be with the bottom tier of the Family Stand which is full rather than covered in advertising. The players themselves don’t look bad either, with most of them at least in the ballpark of their real-life likenesses. 

Where the game falls down somewhat is in its realism of the player's abilities. Having watched what must have been the absolutely soul-destroying experience of them receiving their EA FC ratings, I was expecting this Huddersfield Town squad to be absolutely terrible. 

EA’s slogan is ‘if it’s in the game, it’s IN THE GAME’. As far as this Huddersfield Town team go, I have to take issue with this. My virtual players seem quite able to pass the ball along the floor which the real-life versions seem largely unable or unwilling to do. My Town have no trouble scoring and I even made Tom Edwards make a successful tackle. As brutally exposed at Elland Road, these are all things which are not in the game of this current Huddersfield side.

I knew I was setting myself up for a fall spending the week telling my Leeds supporting co-workers that we were going to get a result. In my heart of hearts, I knew it wasn’t true but genuinely did not expect to look this stupid. Football is often a game all about hope. You know your team is rubbish but at least they can keep you believing. Town didn’t even manage this and any misplaced optimism was gone within five minutes at Elland Road. When Piroe’s disallowed goal went in, I was already texting my mates that this was going to be a massacre. 

To be fair to our lads, Leeds are stacked with Premier League quality players. They can afford to bring on an Italian international to wind the game down for god’s sake. Town can’t but the least you expect from a local derby is for them to turn up with a bit of grit and organisation. I was disappointed that we lacked this in buckets during as worst a first half as I’ve ever seen. 

Given our injuries, I absolutely agreed with the starting lineup with four at the back. I thought we did better when we moved to that against QPR. How wrong I was. Tom Edwards was utterly awful. Summerville sent him for the Examiner so many times that the guy who runs the corner shop has offered him a paper round. The mix-up with him and Wiles was one of the most cringeworthy things I’ve ever seen on a football pitch, with both leaving it for each other before Summerville nipped in for another chance. Yuta was only marginally better and switched off more times than the wifi on a Transpennine Express. Dan James was given one of the easiest games he’ll ever get. Why Yuta was just watching him for the first, I’ll never know. I thought the second goal was a bit soft and Nicholls should have gotten a stronger hand on it, especially given how central he was, but he had absolutely nothing in front of him. The third was simple stuff with a pass between Lees and Yuta allowing James to get in again and rifle it into the net. I’m still having nightmares about the fourth. I close my eyes and I can still see Summerville dancing around our defence like a contestant on Strictly. The second half was better but Leeds took their foot off the gas with the game already won. While Helik’s consolation was something, we were a mile off Leeds' quality and never looked near getting back into it. 

I like Darren Moore. I like this team (Tom Edwards aside). But alarm bells are ringing loud and clear when you ship four 4 - something score lines in eight games. There’s still a lot missing from this team and a genuine goal threat who isn’t Michal Helik and a ball playing midfielder would make all the difference. That said, there should be enough here to not get spanked every week. Darren Moore talks about how much information the players have been taking on but I’m genuinely worried he's got the wrong end of the stick and has been teaching them applied chemistry. It certainly hasn’t been basic defending or shooting. In my short time supporting Town, it’s the worst run of games I’ve seen us play. I genuinely think a little part of me might die if we don’t get a result against Watford. 

You’ll be pleased to hear that I’m 100% confident that things will get better. I’ve gone back to my Nintendo Switch and simulated the rest of the season and can predict that we will go up via the playoffs. You’ll also be pleased to hear that Leeds will get relegated so everything works out for the best in the end. See you all at Wembley!